EMT’s and Medic’s are supposed to be tough.
For some of us it’s second nature. Most of you know that’s not the case with me. I’ve had to work long and hard at it, and I believe that I’ve developed what might be called moderately thick skin. I’m able to keep my emotions in check 95% of the time. I’ve even gotten past my issues with death (that’s another post for another day).
While I’ve had to work extra hard at this, I have an embarrassing admission to make.
School has me more than a bit frazzled.
As in, I’m losing my damn mind.
While participating in lab I’m reduced to a blubbering idiot.
Give me an actual human in the back of a truck with real problems and an actual pulse and I’m calm cool and collected. I can think clearly. I hit the IV’s in those veins that can only be felt while simultaneously calculating a dopamine drip and listening and weeding out BS from fact. I can rock the third rides.
Give me a manikin, a scenario and a few of my classmates around and I’m a hot mess. I forget everything from how to calculate and set up a piggyback to something as simple as removing the tourniquet once I get that pretty flash. My hands shake, my palms sweat, and I forget my phone number.
It’s NOT pretty. Not at all.
It’s embarrassing as hell, in fact.
I hate feeling like this.